Baby Girl

It's been sooo amazing being back together as a family. I even got to dress Grace up in her first outfit, a gift from her Nana. It's a micro-preemie dress that has been shrunken in the dryer (and it's still to big).

Before I got sick and couldn't be here with Grace and Sam, I was feeling a bit burnt out and started to find the long days at the hospital getting harder. I found myself missing my old life and was feeling sorry for myself. I had started having moments of sadness about how much life has changed and how it feels like we have had to give everything up, and how it wasn't supposed to be this way. I prayed for God to take these thoughts away, but they kept creeping in. So, God being God, knew what was best for me, and instead of just taking these thoughts away, created an opportunity for me to confront them head on. Going through the emotions that came with not being allowed to be with my family, and experiencing a taste of what life would be like without Sam or Grace, put thing's into perspective.

• What a honour that I get to come back to the hospital each day to spend it with my daughter. A daughter who has had and will have many challenges, but whom the Lord has knit together in my womb and who he is sustaining and caring for every day! The Lord has blessed us so graciously with a room near the hospital, and landlords that allowed us to break our lease. He has given us such beautiful community of believers that have rallied around us, supporting us, praying, and offering words of encouragement. While I will miss getting to swim in the pool and bike the country roads at our apartment, there is bike share and many great places to explore in Toronto. While I don't get to have my own garden like a dreamed of this summer, maybe I can help out with gardens at Ronald McDonald House. While I miss my job and my students I know that they are being well taken care of, and for now my calling is not in the classroom. I pray that the faith and love I showed my students has planted many seeds that God will now have others water. The Lord is placing all kinds of new people in my life where I get to be a witness for Him, how exciting!

• God is slowly shifting my mindset to look at not what has been lost but rather what has been gained. And how He is good and only gives good things to his children (even when to us it doesn't always look or feel good).

• Life is beautiful! His creation is something to be in awe of, and all humans have value because He made them.

Now for an updated on Miss Gracie! She continues to remain fairly stable, however her hemoglobin came back on the lower side and she will need another blood transfusion. They are, however, hoping to push this a few days if possible so that the IV they put in her for the transfusion can last long enough to be used for surgery.

You heard that right, Infectious Disease has approved her for her brain surgery after the official second negative! It's not for sure yet, but it sounds like the neuro surgeon would like to do it this week, possibly tomorrow or Friday. This was quite the shock to hear yesterday, because as of last week Friday we thought it would happen in minimum 3 weeks if we got the second negative. I think this push is because this surgery is why she came to Sickkids in the first place, and they want to avoid another tap if possible. Which it's looking like she might need this week with how full her fontanelle is.

The excess CS fluid makes her head larger as it pushes out at her soft spots.

Yesterday they upped Grace's milk quantities to 8 ml every 2 hours, this will stay the same until they know her body is absorbing it well. At that point they will bring it up 1 more ml. The goal is to get her to full feeds again before they will start fortifying my breast milk again.

Grace accidentally found her thumb 😂

I got to hold her for the first time in 12 days which was amazing! We sat chest to chest for over 3 beautiful hours, which her all cuddled in, and sleeping soundly the entire time. We notice that when we hold her her heart rate always stays super steady and oxygen saturation is usually high with lowest oxygen settings. This is her body showing us that she loves it, knows it's her parents, and is very content.

Prayer Requests:

• That Graces surgery can happen this week, and if it doesn't that she can get her blood transfusion sooner rather then later.

• That the surgery is successful and that God continues to allow her to thrive

• Peace for Sam and I as we wait, not knowing what the future holds but trusting in the God who holds tomorrow in his hands.

• Easter weekend celebration with family (we are hoping Ronald McDonald will approve my immediate family to come on Sunday for dinner)

• That people may come to know Jesus through us, especially as we remember Christ's sacrifice for our sins this week.